It is strongly urged that we rethink
"education" and our "work" from a
more unified and humanitarian
learning-centered perspective.
Insightful HUMOR can help refresh our outlook
and steer our attention toward deeper and
more essential aspects of living fully!
Join our fast-paced company
We have no time to train you.
Casual work atmosphere
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
Some overtime required
Some every night and some every weekend.
Duties will vary
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
Must have an eye for detail
We have no quality assurance.
Career-minded
Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
Apply in person
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told that the position has been filled.
Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience
You'll need it to replace the three people who just quit.
Problem-solving skills a must
You're walking into perpetual chaos.
Requires team leadership skills
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
Good communication skills
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have bankrupted at least two businesses
3 have been arrested for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are current defendants in lawsuits
In 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that perpetually cranks out hundreds upon hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of SHIT on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the SHIT list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the SHIT you can handle.
Students who don't take their SHIT will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (DEEP SHIT). Those who fail to take DEEP SHIT seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (EAT SHIT).
Since our lecturers took SHIT before they graduated, they don't have to do SHIT anymore, and are all full of SHIT already.
If you are full of SHIT, you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (BULL SHIT).
For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (MORE SHIT). This course emphasizes on how to manage MORE SHIT.
If you have further questions, please direct them to our
HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (HOT SHIT).
When I don't do it I'm lazy
When my boss doesn't do it he's busy
When I make a mistake, I'm an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When I do something without being told, I'm overstepping my authority
When my boss does the same, that's initiative
When I take a stand, I'm being bull-headed
When my boss does it, he's being firm.
When I overlooked a rule of etiquette, I'm being rude
When my boss skips a few rules, he's being original
When I'm out of the office, I'm wandering around
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business
When I'm on a day off sick, I'm always sick
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill
When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked
When I please my boss I'm crawling
When my boss pleases his boss, he's co-operating
When I do good, my boss never remembers
When I do wrong, my boss never forgets . . . .
2. I love deadlines. I especially love the swooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
6. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
7. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. 8. I don't suffer from stress - I'm a carrier . . .
9. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo . . .
10. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Treating students — or faculty as an underclass
does not elevate administrative power — it diminishes it.
Only when administrators work closely with students and faculty
can the benefits of organizational unity be realized.
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